Crying It Out logic

My cousin posts on FB that she is fighting with her 2.5 yo daughter to get her to sleep...we have all been there as parents, right? Then one friend says "...you have to let her cry it out or she will just know that you will always keep coming back." (like this is the worst case scenario, your kid trusting you to BE there when she cries out for you?)

I post in desperate disagreement and the friend responds, basically: Keep up the CIO, you have a smarter than the average baby!

What?

So What's the logic there...if the child were of average intelligence she would be okay to go in and reassure her?

Smart kids must be manipulative by nature?

Only dumb kids really need their moms at night?

And if her 2 and half year old is THAT clever, if she is such a manipulative mastermind that she simply must be at it and is clearly just trying to, I don't know, take over the world one exhausted parent at a time, why not TALK to her and find out what the trouble is?

My son was pretty capable of making simple requests and needs clear at that age, and I am pretty sure he's of average intelligence.

Garrrr!

I sent her the link for mothering.com, I really hope she checks it out!

Here are some other links for reasons NOT to let your child, of ANY age just cry themselves to sleep just in case some one stumbles accross this rant:

http://www.naturalchild.org/advice/q09.html#1266936616

http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/babyspeaks.html#1266936612

http://askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp

http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/attachmentparenting/cio.htm

http://www.naturalchild.org/advice/q36.html#1266936625

http://www.naturalchild.org/advice/q55.html#1266936620

http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/crying.html#1266936608

http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/advice/0071381392.php

http://www.pinky-mychild.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=11&Itemid=36

http://www.educarer.com/brain.htm

http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/07/05/no-cry-it-out/

http://www.momversation.com/episodes/cry-it-out-or-not-cry-it-out

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T051200.asp#T051205

http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-parenting.html

http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/attachmentparenting/cio.htm

Isn't it nice when new parents can let loose and have some fun?

My husband, a nice Scottish man, has suddenly been sucked into the vortex of American Sports...he spent the day at a SUPERBOWL party?!? WTH! If I wanted to be married to some jocked out American sports nut I wouldn't have travelled halfway across the world to meet people from OTHER COUNTRIES, would I?

And then, after spending ALL DAY at a poker and Superbowl party, he has the nerve to call me at 11pm on a Sunday, the night before our four year old starts back to school, to say he doesn't know WHEN he'll be getting home because he's "still having fun"! HA! Imagine that, having fun at an all day party! WEIRD!

Of course you're having fun, you selfish jerk, you've been having fun ALL DAY!!!! That's all you had to do today was HAVE FUN! Mission accomplished. Good for YOU!

What was I doing, you ask? I was making lunch and dinner and tomorrow's lunch for our child, orgainzing school supplies, bathing said child, all while balancing a newborn on my lap and my breast while changing a gazillion diapers and meanwhile trying to entertain a four year old and get him to bed at a decent hour for his first day of school tomorrow, something he was loathe to do because only daddy tells good stories anymore. Benjamin decided to forego any stories or songs from me until his dad came home because "I don't believe you, Mommy. Daddy said he would be home soon! I'm going to wait until Daddy comes home". And so he is STILL WAITING UP FOR HIM AT QUARTER PAST MIDNIGHT jumping at every car to pass down our street.

So selfish! What is wrong with him? Does he have no sense of common decency or shame?! Or have these drunken gringos he spends all his time with given him some inflated sense of decency so that he really can justify these actions in his head? What dellusions of grandeur could convince someone that this was an okay thing to do with a FOUR WEEK old baby at home and four year old starting school the next day?

I am so totally disappointed in him.

Oh gosh, darling, if you're having fun, you go ahead and stay at the party and leave me to sort it all out; I wouldn't want to ruin your FUN, you selfish jerk!


GRRRRRRRRR!

My babies

Will I ever think of Benjamin as just my kid? No. He will always be my baby. How did our parents ever do it? How did they ever watch us grow up, get our heart broken by countless "friends" and then go on in our teens to have romantic relationships that broke us down to the ground and watch us willingly go out for more heartache and pain? How did they ever face the facts that life would happen and there was nothing they could do about it? How did they ever face the reality that most people are raised to life of hatred and cruelty, and they sre most likely to take that agression out on the kind and sweet souls they encounter? How did they ever face that some of that cruelty might come from their own children?

How?

I am so torn between my baby, who calls to me with those sweet fat cheeks, and her soft coos and tiny bleets of inescapable adorableness, and my first true mother-love, Benjamin. I feel for him, I long for her. I want him to be independant and strong and yet I need him to need to me. I want him to know he has not and never will be replaced, and still, I wish he would give me the time and space to love her the way she deserves to be.

Emily is so cute.

She sleeps so soundly. She cries so sweetly. She looks so wise and pensive for a nearly but not quite four WEEK old child. I am sure she is the old soul I dreamed of the night I got pregnant. A combination of all the maternal souls that have lead up to her birth. My grandmother, my great aunts and great grandmothers, all their craziness, all their love, and all their experience seems to pour from this child. They are calling to me, have been since her conception, to watch over this girl-child. She will be amazing. She will break barriers. She will make us all reel with her spirit of ability. And I want to be there to watch.

It's not to say that Benjamin is made of lesser stuff, he will be a wonderful man, but she is my legacy to womankind.

I cannot fathom the depth to which I love these children. Is it possible to have a heart that loves so deep and so true?

Yes, it is.